So what does trust consist of. I’d say credibility, reliability, respect, loyalty & of course honesty.

Let’s have some fun with this. What if I said some spouses are more satisfied with your phone password than an engagement. Sounds harsh but sad thing its a reality.  As much as I’d like to believe this can’t be true…I sadly think it is. Not sure if it’s how much relationships have changed throughout time or what but it’s sad.

Women always seemed to be the ones with the trust issues…because men are men, right? Men can help it, they say? Men are weak..only a few can turn down temptation. Men are insecure. Men also seem to need more out of the house time then us..whatever it is they do. Women are okay being home; or is this just me and my friends? It’s just easier for men to cheat. Those are some things I’ve heard.

But guess what..men are not trusting in excess. This surprises me. I’ve never even thought that was an issue with them. At first thought I’d say it’s likely because the woman was hurt and now has turned bitter or into an opportunist instead of a head over heels in love woman. Or maybe because women aren’t in NEED of a man anymore it’s more of a WANT. Men want to me needed; they need to be needed. Daddy taught me that. (I suck at showing this by the way)
Or maybe it’s likely because the man has been hurt before. NEWS RELEASE: Women cheat too. Sad but true.

So now trust has been broken; now what?

Forgiving someone is easy. But being able to trust them again is a totally different story. Examine this before you decide to keep them…remember you can forgive someone and still not have them in your life. It’s okay. It doesn’t make you less than a person, in fact it’s pretty damn admirable of you to recognize that and let them go.

Oh & trust no one.

JC

ACT WITH NO EXPECTATION.
Sounds so simple and so peaceful. What’s that saying? Expectation is the root of all heartbreak?

Ain’t that the truth…it’s a lesson I’ve learned. I like to think I’m over this; I don’t put many expectations on any situation or person. I live for the moment and don’t think about it in the future. I don’t expect much from anything or anyone. It’s pretty dope I’d say but to those in my life, it’s also a flaw.

How did I get here? I filled myself with love for myself therefore having more than enough to give with not requesting it back; I give you my love with no expectations. I would think this would be great for y’all..I’m easy to have in your life but it’s not for some. They need more from me, they want me to think deeper. I don’t want to. Fall back.

Three relationships in my life:
Friendships: There is about a group of 6 of us that have been friends since middle school. We all have love for each other that extends to our families and now children. But I don’t expect them to do things that you would think true friends do…for example, a relationship with my daughter. I could say two of these have that and only because those two are married and one is a mother now also. Did they come when I was psycho new mom and visit us and spend hours confined to my home with a infant, no. Did they offer to babysit for a date night, no. I don’t think that means they are bad friends or our friendship is lacking. I’m more logical than that. I just feel that they didn’t know how to handle it being I was the first that did become a mom or that we are all busy. I expect nothing from them but know that if ever needed; they will be there.

Family: I expect nothing at all from them. Do I expect them to always be there for me…I guess will I ever test that, no. Love my family dearly but we are so different; so many different dynamics that I rather not have figure out. I’m too busy for that.

Lovers: I live for the moment..I wasn’t always like that. I put expectations on one and that is my daughter’s father. That failed. I won’t do it again. Simply said. I go for the present feelings, the present emotions, the present experiences. I don’t expect anything past that. Unless you make me think that far…then well, I don’t know what I’ll do.

So think it a flaw but I think it’s rather dope.

What do y’all think?

xo, JC

But think of it deeper…are you cared for by someone other than family?

We all have friends…these friends could be a part of your life for decades but do they care for you genuinely or has it became a habit/behavior to them.  When you tell them a story that means a lot to you do you feel they care about the outcome?

Personally, I’m not to sure if I’m cared for.

What does that mean? Am I at fault? Or is it just the way it is.

It is what it is

Are you cared for?

-JC

I don’t even mean it in a relationship only…you can be unfaithful in many aspects of life. For sake of this writing..let’s talk about relationships between two people.

Real people stay faithful; they don’t have time to look for others because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own. Sounds heavenly doesn’t it? I’m different. I feel that a person can love you and still cheat. Don’t you love God, Jehovah, Allah..whoever and still sin? LIKELY.

Also did that person cheat because you were neglectful to them in some way? That’s a hard one to admit and yes we want someone that can say no to temptation but why would that person want to say no if you are fucking up?

What I do believe is that if a person is IN LOVE with someone they can’t and won’t cheat..and if they can they were never IN LOVE; just thought they were…or that person is just PHENOMENALLY TWISTED. Maybe the person didn’t want to be alone? Or it helped with their ego? Or maybe their miserable life needed something new? SIMPLY SAID…
You do not DESTROY people you love and being unfaithful can destroy someone.

So what is being unfaithful? What is cheating?

We all can define both of these differently. It’s not just physical in my eyes. There could be emotional unfaithfulness and cheating. I’m sure we’ve all said “I’d rather you fuck once then carry something further”. No, you’ve never have. Well pat yourself on the back and know you are boring. JK. Not really.

So not to get into it too much. But if you are in a relationship and if you have to delete text messages -that’s a problem, if you have to lock your phone when the other is around -that’s a problem. Does it mean you are cheating no. But you doing something you aren’t supposed to be doing…so you aren’t faithful.

Ok so now it happened to you…Now what?

I know that to me “I’m sorry” isn’t much of anything, it’s a statement. It’s me who trusted you so it was my mistake..not yours. That’s honestly how I feel. Anyone that knows me…knows I say “Don’t apologize” a lot. It’s useless to me.

I’d prefer a “I won’t do it again” or even better “how can I make it up to you”. That puts responsibility back on them. That’s just me…and remember, I’m different.

Now I know what you want…you want me to tell you if this has ever happened to me, how this ties to my own experience.

I have been cheated on -from what I know emotionally only which again in my eyes is WORSE. What did I do…I gave him another chance. Why? Because of our daughter. How many times? Once.

I was also cheated on by a lie. A lie of “that door is closed. There is nothing there” that person was more unfaithful to themselves than to me. What did I do…I haven’t decided.

xo – JC

I think I am good at this because I am able to assess & process.  I could probably thank my career for this. 

Now, don’t get me wrong …I go back & forth, I have head spinning emotions, ego crushing moments, food/booze binges, crying so hard I fear drowning times.  I am human. 

But at the end I take a situation for what it is..

I am able to say no

I am able to be selfish

Most importantly I am able to know when something isn’t best for me.  

I don’t have unrealistic expectations but I know some people may not be able to live up to even the simplest expectation.  Not every person that comes into my life will be who I want them to be in my life. Not every person that comes into my life will be capable of loyalty.

I also know I can’t change anyone and that people come & go.  

Oh…and just because I can let go -it doesn’t mean I don’t look back and run the emotions again.  But you sure as hell won’t know when I do that. 

Be strong -xoxo JC

I like to believe that I keep it pretty real to myself whether good or bad.  As I’ve also expressed in this here blog, I have been quite lucky in my life when it comes to men and my experiences with them.  I’ve led the “ship” in most of them and ended up hurting and not being hurt. The one question I am asked is if they were such good experiences what happened?  My answer is always “it just wasn’t there”.

“IT” defined as the passion, the enrichment, the completion, the unconditional, the loyalty, the honesty, the respect… all of DAT is under the “it” I need and the it that I want in order for a long-term relationship.

I just want someone who “gets” me. I recognize I am hard to understand/define but I am an open book about myself -if you actually listen, pay attention all while not ignoring you will be able to GET me.  Then you will know pretty quick whether or not I am for you and if I’m not… 

let me go. Please.

JC

My definition of intuition: Something that every woman has where you just know. Whether it’s your being cheated on, or even friends being un-easy, it’s that gut feeling telling you something is wrong. It may come in the form of a dream, déjà vu, a funny feeling…combo of these or something else.

Could your intuition be wrong?
Yes

But could those same intuitions haunt you if you ignore?
Yes

So what does one do?

Do what you feel best for you…you don’t deserve anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself? What’s that corny saying anyway…
“if it’s meant to be it will be”.

Yeah. Let’s go ahead and pretend that’s the case on this. 

Xo- JC

I want and more importantly need to be alone quite often. Its when I’m at my happiest. Its me.

With this comes hurt feelings. I don’t care. Its likely that if you don’t spend much time with yourself, I won’t like you much anyway. I mean, get a life. Do you. Get a hobby…whatever the fuck you want. If you aren’t sure where you stand on this, ask yourclosest friend or family member if you’re needy or annoying. If they pause…you are. Simple.

Anyway back to me…

People physically drain me. It doesn’t make me mad at you, it doesn’t mean I’m depressed. Antisocial…maybe. I just need to be alone with my thoughts, a book, some music,  likely food and wine as well. Now don’t get me wrong…you could get the feeling of loneliness and sadness but guess what THAT’S OK! Embrace those feelings. At least you are feeling, so many people go without feeling. Just don’t get bored, in fact avoid that.

Being alone..recharges me. But although I am weird…its only a little because other things recharge me also…my man for one….

Xoxo -JC