The Ultimate Act

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.

Goodness. Deep…but it should be; forgiving is the ultimate act us humans can do.  

Maybe you felt inadequate, unlovable, sad…but guess what, no one should allow you to feel this way so the biggest realization is having to forgive yourself for letting them break you down. That’s the big piece we forget most during the process, you allowed it therefore you have to forgive yourself first.

Try this, close your eyes and let your mind become engulfed in unpleasant memories, shitty emotions and the feelings you covered for so long. Forgive yourself then bring in the person that you ALLOWED …and forgive that person too.

Forgiveness also has to come in your own time. No one else’s but your own. Shit I didn’t forgive someone for 3 years. Life.

I’m no expert and no I haven’t forgiven everyone that I need to… I’m actually currently working on forgiving a very important person to me but hitting roadblock after roadblock.

No matter what, we MUST FORGIVE; must let go of the anger and resentment.

So, how do we know if we have indeed forgiven? Is it when, when you don’t want to hurt that person the same way they hurt you? Or is it when it leaves your subconscious mind as though you had amnesia?

I’m honestly not sure, but… I do know that when you do forgive… you will feel FREE & what better feeling than freedom?
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XO -JC

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2015

Woke up today with two precious people in my life and one of the first things I did was fill out a new year declaration on Instagram ( http://instagram.com/p/xT8XOINrxl/ ). I also deleted the 4 drafts I had on here that I continued to go back to for the last 2 months.

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So something I’ve never done is make goals. I’ve tried changing, I’ve tried resolutions. .. but I’ve never tried goals. Where the fuck have I been? I’m 33 and never had goals, I just lived. Thats probably why I haven’t finished my degree or made something official in my name. So I’m trying something different because if I don’t, I can’t blame anyone but myself.

I will go into this year with what I used to have and used to cherish; my optimism, faith and trust. I hope to leave behind my resentment, negativity and bitterness.

I will work on loving the person I see in the mirrors because that is something I used to be so proud of being able to do.

I will cherish my time but also guard it. I will spend it doing what puts me at peace, what makes me happy and what keeps me optimistic. Reading, making memories with loved ones, eating, writing, helping others.

I will cook again. Something I used to do so much more and that I stopped for no good reason other than being too “rushed/busy”. But with me getting better at how I spend my time, I will get back to cooking again and soon.

Cooking more will go back to eating better. I also will add exercise in there even though just typing it makes me cringe, I will do it more.

I will say no to things instead of maybe, because if it isn’t a definite yea…its a no.

I could go on and on but then this would turn into a draft, which I actually hate. I want to give my time to one thing until completion before starting something new. That’s another goal.

It boils down to making good habits and habits take around 30 days to stick whether it’s starting new or breaking ones. Remember these are goals being synonymous with habits and not to be confused with a resolution because we know those don’t work.

XX-JC

Trust

TRUST is scarce. It’s one of the few things that takes merely seconds to break.

So what does trust consist of. I’d say credibility, reliability, respect, loyalty & of course honesty.

Let’s have some fun with this. What if I said some spouses are more satisfied with your phone password than an engagement. Sounds harsh but sad thing its a reality.  As much as I’d like to believe this can’t be true…I sadly think it is. Not sure if it’s how much relationships have changed throughout time or what but it’s sad.

Women always seemed to be the ones with the trust issues…because men are men, right? Men can help it, they say? Men are weak..only a few can turn down temptation. Men are insecure. Men also seem to need more out of the house time then us..whatever it is they do. Women are okay being home; or is this just me and my friends? It’s just easier for men to cheat. Those are some things I’ve heard.

But guess what..men are not trusting in excess. This surprises me. I’ve never even thought that was an issue with them. At first thought I’d say it’s likely because the woman was hurt and now has turned bitter or into an opportunist instead of a head over heels in love woman. Or maybe because women aren’t in NEED of a man anymore it’s more of a WANT. Men want to me needed; they need to be needed. Daddy taught me that. (I suck at showing this by the way)
Or maybe it’s likely because the man has been hurt before. NEWS RELEASE: Women cheat too. Sad but true.

So now trust has been broken; now what?

Forgiving someone is easy. But being able to trust them again is a totally different story. Examine this before you decide to keep them…remember you can forgive someone and still not have them in your life. It’s okay. It doesn’t make you less than a person, in fact it’s pretty damn admirable of you to recognize that and let them go.

Oh & trust no one.

JC