That Person

A person that has such a richness in their soul that your soul feeds off it like a damn buffet that even though you are full – you keep going back A person that at times can feel like a massage to your soul, your heart and even deeper than a massage with a happy ending by just speaking to this person. A person that exudes such positive vibes and energy that it literally fills you and makes you not only want to be better but to also learn about yourself with nothing but self care and love.  A person that can understand you, when you don’t even understand yourself. A person who can differ so much from you but respect your individual path.

Imagine being so comfortable with someone that you expose the shit that is in your heart, in your mind without a second thought because you know there will be no judgment to follow. Sounds reckless but beautiful at the same time. When you can do this your inner voice (that we are taught to suppress) is now free to express opinions, raw thoughts with no filter on them because your ego is now free.

Back to this person; they’ve changed you and now will always be with you from here on out helping you make decisions without you even realizing that their influence is in you.

There is a clear you before this person and a you after this person.

Changing your mind on how you were raised, how society molded you… shit feels like I owe this person a lot but they wouldn’t even take anything if you tried – yeah, that’s how different this person is. Now I’m not saying this person has their own shit together – they may not or they may or they may live life completely different than you but like I said earlier … individual paths are respected.

Shit sounds bananas, right? Like how can I have gone this many years and not had this or even will I ever have it? It happens and not always where you expect it – could be a friend, a lover, a therapist – could be someone that you’ve already met but they never knew they could open this to you. This person is something to be grateful for.

xx – JC

Half An Empath

What is an empath?  

I best describe it as the entering another’s person’s feeling and emotions intuitively at times.  My therapist said it’s a horrible trait but one that you can’t help and takes a lot of work to manage (I hate work).  

Think of a sponge – you absorb other’s emotion and physical pain but then the sponge doesn’t leak.  So now there energy is hanging inside you heavy as hell, weighing you down as if you yourself are going through it.  At times it’s like I’ve misplaced myself in this other person.

So I’m an empath, cool – what does that look like for me?  

Being an empath means I jump into relationships – they begin fast and are intense quickly because I dive deep and grab intimacy before I should.  Then that relationship fails because while now I’ve brought you into this deep and intense environment; I will also require distance and regular times of solitude but if you don’t want it I will not get it because I want to give you what you need.

Being an empath means people get addicted to me because I take them in.  I want to make their life better, I want them to feel important in this big bad world and I will do it at the demise of myself.

Being an empath means I am exhausted a lot because I say yes to things without thinking of what it would do to me, forgetting about my own needs and my own happiness.  Furthermore, the compassion that comes with an empath means I make excuses for other’s bad behavior – was it their childhood that made them this way?  Maybe the paranoia comes because of being hurt in the past? So many excuses that I can come up with for you.  Hate that shit about me.

So yeah this empath life is both a curse and a blessing. It takes works to not allow all energies in but then there is also the part of you that knows that the person trying to give you their energy, needs you.  So how do you choose what to allow?  I have no fucking idea, when you find out – please share. 

I called this piece “Half An Empath” because although I have this trait – I also at times ignore it.  My sponge opened it’s pores and took it but then I am wringing it so that it begins to drain out – it’s survival.  You’ll know when I’m practicing this, it’s when I shut off my phone and sometimes for a full day or two.  That is a type of boundary; my therapist and I worked on ways to get better at being an empath because it’s inevitable these may not be the same boundaries for you but toy with them and see if it helps: 

  • Limit your time with people that end to unload on you without permission 
  • Schedule your alone time; yes even if that means setting a reminder in your calendar
  • Grounding myself whether that’s meditating or writing my thoughts 
  • Stone practice – I haven’t tried this mainly because I haven’t taken the time to go and buy them and what to do with them but the stones are Labradorite, Smoky Quartz, Black Tourmaline & Hematite
  • Be with nature – I help my parents garden a lot – it’s quite therapeutic and I count walking my dog for 15-20 minutes too
  • Be intentional; don’t ask how someone is doing if you really can’t take that on.  They could need to vent and you may not be in that mindset today, so don’t ask – let them lead the conversation
  • Mantra:   “I RELEASE ALL THE ENERGY FROM THE OUTSIDE BACK TO ITS OWNER AND REQUEST ONLY MY ENERGY BACK, PLEASE & THANK YOU”

See how much work it takes; I’m working on it as best as I can which isn’t daily.  

xx- JC