That Person

A person that has such a richness in their soul that your soul feeds off it like a damn buffet that even though you are full – you keep going back A person that at times can feel like a massage to your soul, your heart and even deeper than a massage with a happy ending by just speaking to this person. A person that exudes such positive vibes and energy that it literally fills you and makes you not only want to be better but to also learn about yourself with nothing but self care and love.  A person that can understand you, when you don’t even understand yourself. A person who can differ so much from you but respect your individual path.

Imagine being so comfortable with someone that you expose the shit that is in your heart, in your mind without a second thought because you know there will be no judgment to follow. Sounds reckless but beautiful at the same time. When you can do this your inner voice (that we are taught to suppress) is now free to express opinions, raw thoughts with no filter on them because your ego is now free.

Back to this person; they’ve changed you and now will always be with you from here on out helping you make decisions without you even realizing that their influence is in you.

There is a clear you before this person and a you after this person.

Changing your mind on how you were raised, how society molded you… shit feels like I owe this person a lot but they wouldn’t even take anything if you tried – yeah, that’s how different this person is. Now I’m not saying this person has their own shit together – they may not or they may or they may live life completely different than you but like I said earlier … individual paths are respected.

Shit sounds bananas, right? Like how can I have gone this many years and not had this or even will I ever have it? It happens and not always where you expect it – could be a friend, a lover, a therapist – could be someone that you’ve already met but they never knew they could open this to you. This person is something to be grateful for.

xx – JC

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A Broken Heart

Alone. Humiliated. Shocked. Scared. Disgusted. Betrayed. Uncontrollable.

Imagine feeling these emotions and then your body begins giving up on you…. groaning with pain, so nauseaus that you are gagging even actually vomiting, have so many tears you are certain you are going to die of dehydration, legs so weak that you are holding onto the wall or counter for support, walking around with little to no sleep.

I mean shit, how much can one person withstand.

Doesn’t matter what brought you here, a lost of a soul, a job..whatever it may be. You are heartbroken; literally feel your heart breaking and wishing that you had the ability to reach inside your chest and just hold it.

You guys this is a serious condition even spoken of by The American Heart Association. http://www.heart.org/HEARTORG/Conditions/More/Cardiomyopathy/Is-Broken-Heart-Syndrome-Real_UCM_448547_Article.jsp#mainContent

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

You know what though relish in this feeling. This means that you are alive; you genuinely loved someone else. You got to a place where many can’t. Relish in this.

So now what?

Know that we can not control what happens, but we can control what you do with it. Yes you can keep busy, but what you need to do is use your optimism.

❤Remember, you are never completely alone, as long as you are true to the person in the mirror.

❤Know that you will come out of this stronger & wiser.

❤Remember, you will get over it. Happiness will come, it just takes strength, a lil selfishness and patience.

❤Remember it’s okay to not forget. Like a sprained foot, it’s healed & you can walk but when the weather is cold or the thunderstorm arrives; you feel it again.. temporarily.

After all, a broken heart is treatable.

XO -JC

Words

The tongue has no bones, but is strong enough to break a heart. Well shit, ain’t this the truth. Words are so powerful.

Simply put, words are game changers because once said they can be forgiven but never forgotten.

Words can impact people in many places…the soul, the heart, the mind and not just on the surface of each but into the extreme core of these places.

Words can create the most incredible feeling, whether incredibly beautiful or incredibly hurtful. We all remember our parents, teachers, family saying:
“Think before you speak”
“If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”

I used to be a strong believer of saying what you think whether negative or positive because holding back will only hurt you in the long run. Now I’m not sure if I agree anymore; maybe some thoughts and some feelings should be left unsaid.

My new rule: IS IT NECESSARY?

Words…. a fruit or a poison, you choose.

xo -JC

Falling

Falling in LOVE is so dope.  Falling out of it is horrible. 

I have fallen and it’s been quick.  I give people the benefit of the doubt…I start off with full trust with my heart on my sleeve.  I hate it about myself. BUT -I do it without even knowing I am doing it. 

It’s possible that because of the falling IN is like this that the falling OUT can happen without much looking back. It makes me start to question everything from day 1. It keeps me from being able to focus on the good and not the bad and I hate this about myself.

I’m pretty good about analyzing myself, being honest about what I discover and expressing it BUT this confuses me. Trust is supposed to be built so why do I give it so freely. Love is supposed to grow over time so why do I let the “honeymoon” stage” take over my normal HIGHLY rational mind.

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic. Or just bipolar. Or just haven’t found the one to KEEP me IN LOVE. If I could choose my diagnosis…I choose the latter.

xo -JC