I blame my parents.
I blame them that I am 31 years old and do not have a REAL belief in God or even in there not being one. I was born into a Catholic family…I was also the 4th child. My sisters went to Catholic school but maybe by the time I came along it was “whatever”…so my siblings have that foundation. I don’t. I’ve also never read the bible.
Baptism. I’m 5 months old. I get baptized into a Catholic church…I have pictures to confirm this. My parents made this decision for me. I think it’s weird. I was washed from my sins but honestly what sins did I commit? Spit up my milk or had a projectile bowel movement? Ok ok, I’m not that ignorant…maybe it’s the “possible” sins I came to be. Was I a child of a rape, incest or a bastard child… I wasn’t. So what sins were washed away? This is when I actually go to other religions…. They wait until the child is older, they let the child make the decision –you should be baptized when you can sincerely repent of your sinful nature and have faith in Jesus Christ as Saviour, the Giver of the Holy Spirit and the new birth or even baptized into a organization.
Fast forward…Communion. I’m 8 years old. My parents put me and my brother, who is 11 into communion class. We do this, we finish it, we have our ceremony. I don’t remember anything I learned in those mandatory classes. I assume we read pieces of the bible, I assume they were interpreted for us. I assume I had a test…again I don’t remember. This is to be when the child is at the age of reason or able to know when right or wrong. I could research the real purpose of a communion but so can you. Maybe it was because my parents didn’t want to leave us in the pew as they went up for the communion (bread and wine). Haha. Again I’m kidding with the ignorance.
Fast forward…today, 31 years old. Never confirmed in the Catholic Church…so I haven’t been given the courage to practice my faith; that’s what that ceremony was to do. I say, good decision. Because I don’t know what I believe.
Last time I went to church on my own sans an occasion of a wedding or baptism was a very long time ago… I can’t even remember to be honest. I’ve never gone and confessed my sins as we are told to and yes, I have sinned a lot of times and will likely continue to sin.
So. I’m not an atheist…I don’t think. I just don’t know enough. Marriage is sacred they say…you speak these vows in a church and “he” is listening. Bullshit. Sorry, just how I feel….doesn’t he have more important things to listen to?
I’m told to read the bible, I began but it’s not really telling you what to believe, it’s just stories. So do I interpret them on my own & then pick a religion that agrees with me? Maybe I don’t have to pick a religion and can just have my own beliefs, my own relationship with the higher being…
Let’s start with me reading the bible. Wish me luck.