This is the longest I’ve been single post high school and its been bittersweet. I’ve gone through happiness, loneliness, disappointment, sadness, curiosity, excitement…
I’ve thought of each of my serious relationships and by serious I mean meet the parents. They have all one thing in common…I assisted with the demise (I love that word).
1- 20 years young, I meet a younger hot man and put 100 in it to the point where I wanted to miss freshmen year of college just to be with him. I quickly took him in as a project, my lil boy to turn into what a 20yr old considered a man. Got comfy from day 1, in bliss. But then we break up…what’s funny is I can’t remember why.
Pit: put 100 in not at same time as him and way before he did
2- On vaca to NY…I meet a blue eyed light skin man. This is a new type, let’s try this. We hang out that wkend, clicked, I came back home…text, phone calls for hours. I fell hard. Flew to each other every other wkend and did The Bachelor show type dates bc why not. It hit the year mark, I got an itch. He said I’ll move to you and I ignore over and over until he initiates the “talk”. Where we end up broken up.
Pit: thinking a long distance could stay like that
3- Go back to #1…its more casual but at least he’s in town. Lasts again about a year and we break up bc I can’t remember again. Pit: going back to an ex that was selfish always
4- I date the I’m not to attracted to him but he seems cool/different. My friends, my parents hate him from day 1…so that turns into fun. He sleeps over every night. I guess this was an adult relationship. He used me, he lied, he had no care in the world…it was again fun but so unhealthy. Year mark and #1 moves back to town. I “cheat” emotionally and we break up.
Pit: tried to change someone & stayed after the first lie
5- Back with #1…this is way better. We talk, express feelings. Now this is an adult relationship + comfort. I get a special injection…we move in together and months later have our daughter. Year 1 passes with him and he turns naughty and “emotionally” cheats, guess karma bit me in ass. I do something I said I’d never do. I give another shot…deep into year 2, talk about buying a house and he does it again. Selfish lover but an amazing father.
Pit: following 3rd time charm bullshit & forgiving but not trusting after
6- A single mom of 1 month. Meet a boy that my crew can’t say better things about…is he my “type” no but nice as shit. Had kids..this is something I never thought I’d do but I have one now too so let me not be a hypocrite. We go good..I have reservations throughout that I express. It gets pass 1 year and things go south. I try hard but not hard enough and we’re hanging on without knowing if its what I want. I get dumped..1st time too.
Pit: wanted companionship not love & rushed into this after heartbreak
So this basically did NOTHING for me….thought writing was supposed to help. I guesss I will try my best not to do any of the above pits again….they’re supposed to be lessons learned so all those fancy philosphers that quote & shit. Ha! I take it as……do I have “my other half”…maybe soulmates don’t exist? Am I too picky? Why does the year mark turn me off? Is it because I don’t dream or if I do dream why don’t I remember it? Am I overanalyzing? Most likely as I’m carrying a vagina and boobs….