I know I’m not the only one that runs these ‘what if’ scenarios in my head.  We were all taught, trained, hypnotized to almost not think of this…we get the “No regrets, you learned a lesson” or “It just wasn’t meant to be” or even “God knows what he’s doing”.  I get it…BUT

what if…….

What if I had stayed with JJ’s dad…..I’d be susie homemaker.  I liked that shit though when we played house the first time around.  I’d be the cute lil family of 3, no one can tell us anything.  I’d also be resentful, jealous, neurotic…etc.  1 word: Unhealthy.

What if I would have moved to Atlanta as planned.  Lord I don’t know.  I’m sure I’d love it, I love it there everytime I go -the culture, music, mix of people, the scenery, weather changes.  I’m sure I’d fallen in love and who knows maybe be prego or even on my 2nd… 1 word: Dope

What if the man who grabbed, chased & then slapped me at the park that night..hadn’t ran away.  Yo this one is scary as hell.  Would I have gotten raped? Killed?  This happened summer of 2004.  I was young. I don’t even know what I could say… 1 word: Fuck

What if I have stayed with my latest ex…I’d be miserable….simple enough. 1 word: Miserable

Oh a fun one.

What if I won the lotto…pee in my pants then clean that up. Jump up and down doing body rolls & pelvic thrusts then stopping all that. Okay serious, I’d travel the world, I buy off my family’s homes, I’d build my dream house with the help of my pinterest boards, I’d do charity work with the poor in the US & DR first. I’d invest, open a business in party planning… 1 word: Rich

What if I didn’t have my daughter…I got shivers just thinking about it.  I can’t even imagine my life without her.  Before her, I was already done with the “night” scene.  I assume I’d be in a relationship or working so hard I don’t have time for one (me now).  She has made me see the world so differently, she has made me realize so much (I’m a big asshole)…man I hate to even think but what if…. 1 word: Unknown

What if….

-JIC