I Is Her

I was never that kid, that teen, that young adult and now that middle aged adult that had the idea or the dream of a wedding. Taking it even less extreme, I never felt I needed a spouse or that I was/am waiting for “that person” to come along.

I know I may be losing some but stay with me a little longer.

So because I was not and still not that person, I don’t have those things in my mind as a motivating factor. Which as a result means that I don’t act or behave a certain way when it comes to my relationships. Without those motivating factors that many have to make things work, to be content, to stick through… my “situation(s)” are at a disadvantage because there is a disconnect.

With all that said, it can’t be simpler than to say – I am hard to date.

I acknowledge it, although I used to not – I used to not understand how I could be called selfish and just not be appreciated for being so chill and for living in the moment.

I’m not selfish. I am different.

It’s different to date me because I’m not the norm, I’m not in need to be “on” with someone else. I don’t have underlying motives behind spending time with you. A little bit of shade with that statement and I get it but it’s not shade, don’t take it as that, or do. I take it as some are motivated by things and some just let the motivation happen for itself and que sera, sera. I spend time because I want to – not because I want it to lead to something, but because I want to have moments with you, Period.

Love is dope but intimacy is a thing of magic.

I choose intimacy. Intimacy with a person makes me feel like I’m floating, in a constant state of stimulation. I love that feeling and will cherish that feeling but I won’t look for it. I’ve said moments a few times and that’s how I move – the “moments in intimacy” is the caveat, it is a moment. I don’t think ahead of that moment, I don’t think about the future with the person, I don’t consciously start adding expectations to this person, I just enjoy it then for what it is and what it feels like, at that moment. And, yes sometimes those moments last days, weeks – years, yes. Does my approach of in the moment hurt some, yes. Fun sometimes hurts (adds a shrug).

So this single lady, is coming into her own, again and can no longer help you because you don’t know how to approach me right, I can’t steer or maneuver you on a decision on how to deal with me and I can’t help you keep me at the capacity you want me at.

As a women, we often feel like we have to do and be it all. We don’t.

XO, JC

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