”People make time for what they want” or “People treat you the way they feel about you”.

Here I am with an unpopular stance… I don’t agree with either of these sentiments.

People make TIME for what they want.

After working our job, taking care of our kid(s), family obligations, is it possible there is no time left? Is it possible that we are already spread so thin that the only disposable time we have is to self-care with alone time. Taking some time to self reflect on the days again, before you have to just do it again, the next day. What one particular person does on a daily basis is something you know but what about what that person goes through internally while surviving that day. Trust me, I’m a single mom – I desperately want to fit in getting wined, dined and you know the last step of that but it’s very rare I get that time to do it and if I do, I’m tired. It doesn’t mean I don’t like you, that I don’t WANT to – it can just mean, I choose myself that day.

People TREAT you the way they feel about you.

At first read, it is a little harder to disagree with but if you really think about it, isn’t it possible that people treat you based on where THEY are, not how they feel about you. If someone isn’t happy with themselves, their life – how can they treat you, better than they treat themselves? If someone cheats on you, that doesn’t mean they do not love you (another unpopular stance), it means they do not love themselves enough to have self discipline, treat other’s how they would like to be treated and just simple decency.

Now, I’m not saying it’s okay for someone to make no time for you or that you should allow disrespectful treatment. I’m saying that a person’s state of mind is so imperative, it is literally everything. So if this person is respectful towards you, reaches out at times to check in and when you do get time together, the time is beautiful with full attention on you – give them grace on their “off” days, even if those off days are the majority.

The freedom with not taking either of these two sentiments personally, is extraordinary; a sign of emotional intelligence.

I’ll end it with this final thought: how someone treats you is beyond your control and trying to control the uncontrollable is a sign of insanity.

xo, JC