I miss someone today. If I’m honest with myself I’ve missed him this whole week. 

A little history:  I dated this person before, I saw this person here & there for the past year and every time I felt it…in my tummy, in my mind, down below but just left it there. I spent time with this person last week for the first time in close to a year…

So, this is the person that I miss. That’s a hard feeling for me…I don’t miss many things, except for Cinnabon’s at the mall by my house.  Now to get one its like a half hour drive. Anywho…lord I can make a blog just about Cinnabon’s too.

Back to where we were.  I stayed away from this person for so long, I was successful with it too.  Then the invite came -my first instinct was a no but then he kind of sold himself to me.  Oh how much he has realized, how much he has changed and how much he knows now what he wants/needs…I fell for it.  I usually wouldn’t but this is “him” this is that person that we all have, deny it if you want. I don’t. At this point it was just like lets get this friendship back. So I went. I enjoyed myself.  That should have been the end, it wasn’t.

Two people with hella pride, hella strength and hella stubbornness. 

No contact with each other this whole week.  Just like before…lack of consistency, if he missed he should have hit me up.  If he thought of me, share it.  This he didn’t.  Did I have those two feelings yes, did I hit him up, no.  We ain’t shit.  I won this battle though because I got a text first.  I know so mature, shut up.

I carry with me a vagina..this makes me an emotional being.  It doesn’t make me weak. I’m still strong, independent, etc…I am into my feelings because I’m a woman.  This should be admired.  I don’t deny.  I like him, I like him for not the person he is though..I like him for the person I know he can be.  That’s probably the worst because I want to stick around till he gets there, I want to even help him through it.  To see a person with potential that does nothing with it, is sad.

I am defeated. He is my weakness & worse part of it -he knows.

-Xoxo JIC


4 thoughts on “Defeated

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s