The past 2 months have been ‘something’. It started with a week away from my home.. a time where I talked to my two older sisters while also myself. Even did some meditating & jogging (ok ok only once). One sister is to the point- go with your heart, while the other is fuck that find yourself completely then adjust the people in your life accordingly. I choose that route – which came with some questions.

These questions were simple that we all should be able to answer in a instant and I couldn’t. That was quite an eye opener; how can I ask or demand from the people in my life without really knowing what I want and need. These questions that she asked me were more of HOW to get things when inner demons of your own or the other person (lover, friend, family member) are fighting with us. Deep for me, I know. Stay with me though..
**What’s a coincidence is that I tweeted this just 6 days before this talk with my sisters: “Take the LOVE out. Take your HEART out. Because if your MIND isn’t at peace…it will fail, whether now or down the road…”

For example..some questions:
Why don’t you do the things you know you should be doing?
When this person leaves you are you fulfilled?
Thinking of the future and kids are gone to college what do you wanna do? Does that person support that?
What is your goals/aspirations now and in future. Who can help you get there?
Do you really trust yourself and have YOUR best interests in mind?

Took me 2 months to think of these answers…I have them now. No you nosey fucks I won’t share them. They are quite private. I even did a personality test.

I’m an introvert but want people to think I’m an extrovert
I’m selfish
I don’t trust
I overEVERYTHING (overthink, overanalyze, overdo things)
I’m inconsistent
I’m naive

So yeah I pretty much suck. They say “we accept the love we think we deserve”. I don’t deserve good love.. fuck.

Let’s think of the positives..

I’m passionate
I believe in a lot of things
I’m loyal to a fault
I care
I listen to myself and am okay with no one else understanding

Some days, I feel everything. Other days, I feel nothing at all; but I’ll smile during both those days…

XO – JC