I want so badly to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad.  I’m lazy, yet I want so much. 

I say I don’t care, but truth is I care too much that I’m embarrassed.  I like attention, but reject it when I get it. 

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed because I’m not sad, but I’m not exactly happy either.  I can laugh and joke and smile during the day, but leave me alone and it’s almost like my thoughts decide to not like me.

I’m constantly seeking, but I’m also running away.  I love you, but I can hate you too.  I create my own storm, but then get pissed when it rains.

I am faithful, but detached.  Committed, but relaxed.  Passionate, but platonic.  I want to be the best, but I don’t want to try.

They say if one understands her/his own self, then that person is an absolute supreme soul.  I don’t know to you, but to me that sounds
like a lot of pressure!  I mean… a SUPREME SOUL, that’s a big deal.

I. A paradox? Possibly..

xo- JC