“Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosphy. Music is the electrical soil in which the spirit lives, thinks and invents.” ~ Ludwig van Beethoven ~ Music is dope, that pretty much sums it up. Music is an escape for a lot of us; no matter the kind you listen to, no matter…
The Line
So you meet someone. You click. Shit is going good. You start getting to know them better – start to know their thoughts, values, opinions, you know all that ‘important’ stuff. Then it comes to the point where you have to decide what to do with that person. Is this person going into a friend zone…
Who’s to Blame?
On twitter recently one of my faves (@yesImthatdope) asked: You talk…flirt…text…hang out. THEN find out they have a significant other. Your fault for not asking? Or his/hers for not saying? This shit tore me. I couldn’t answer. I personally don’t give out information freely so I can’t be mad at someone else for doing the…
NAKED
I know I’m not the only one. Thinking that that getting “naked” with someone…meant sex, foreplay… that had to mean that I was opening up, that I was letting that person in. False. That’s too easy. Take off your clothes -you do it everyday to get in the shower…EASY. Have sex -you’ve done it before (most likely) …EASY….
Hero
I’m the hero of my story…I don’t need to be told what to do, how to do it, when.. you know the rest. I’m a woman, so automatically most would say I’m weak, easily deterred and in need of something because why…because majority of woman are never satisfied. Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of…
What If
I know I’m not the only one that runs these ‘what if’ scenarios in my head. We were all taught, trained, hypnotized to almost not think of this…we get the “No regrets, you learned a lesson” or “It just wasn’t meant to be” or even “God knows what he’s doing”. I get it…BUT what if……….
What I Miss
As I’ve said before….the whole “I miss you” is very hard for me to say. I miss my daughter when she’s at her dad’s, I miss my family in NY & DR -barely though. I can tell you I do miss some things about being with a significant other, this isn’t even one person. These…
Mixed Signals ….
I send these (mixed signals)…a lot. I don’t even know if I’d call them signals, I don’t know how else to describe it. Especially in the last year…as I’m in the FUCK a relationship phase of my life. I’ve been so good for so long. I’ve done the good lil girlfriend, the good lil woman…
No Sex
I don’t want to call it celibacy because I feel like that’s a lifestyle choice & that isn’t what I’ve done. I’ve merely not met anyone I wanted to share my flower, my cuca or in layman’s terms my vagina with.
I haven’t had sex since last November…”my vagina has been gone since November and now it might as well be gone till November”…(Wyclef Jean song) get it? Corny. Yes.
If you read my previous blogs, I’m a relationship type girl. My last relationship ended 1 year ago today. I got dumped…for the first time ever. Basically because I couldn’t give him 100% so I don’t consider it a real dump since I kinda gave him no choice. Yup, that’s what I’ll tell myself. Anywho, right after that…like right after…like 2 weeks. Don’t judge me…just don’t. I met a dude with what the young people call today “swag” (I hate that word) & for the first time in my 30 yrs I said F this let’s try a just physical thing. Man. That didn’t work. I just can’t smash and not bring emotions in. Especially for this dude who I wanted to take in and nurse to be a better man…it was doomed. So I gave him my flower before I knew all this OBVIOUSLY. We did the “dating” thing…we did the “smashing” thing. I did the “girl” thing & said I gots to go boo boo, you know before he knew I wanted to fix him. So since then (last November) I haven’t had sex with anyone…just objects.
So am I celibate…I still say that isn’t the right word. I mean by definition that pretty much means I’m abstaining which I’m not -trust me, I want it. I want it BBBAADDD. I just don’t want a relationship right now.. I have proven I can’t smash and walk away easily so since I want to be single…I will not have sex.
Sounds so simple to me.
It’s also quite dope to not NEED sex & to prove that I’m waiting a full year…till November, because why not? I’ve never had a passion…not much goal oriented. So now this has turned into my goal. Now don’t get me wrong…that’s 2 months away, I might meet someone -I might have met someone already & if it happens, it happens but if it doesn’t…I REFRAINED FROM SEX FOR A WHOLE YEAR…& maybe even longer.
We willl see.
-JIC
msjadore 